Pages

Friday, September 14, 2018

Writing bad intros

WHO: Room 7
WHAT: played the maths game
WHEN: Thursday 14th September
WHERE: in the hall
WHY: to practice our maths skills
HOW: we walked there, in teams of 6.

Bad Intro:  Room 7 played the maths game. It was Thursday 14th September 2018. We were in the hall. We did it to practice our maths skills. We walked there and we were in teams.
*notice how the information are all in separate sentences* - don’t do that, it’s boring to read.

On Thursday morning (the 14th September 2018), Room 7 walked out the to the hall to play the maths game. Room 7 plays this game so we can practice our maths skills and have a bit of a running around break.
*Put the information into sentences TOGETHER. Much better to read*

WHO: Me and my family
WHAT: went to the beach
WHEN: Saturday 8th September
WHERE: Mission bay
WHY: to have fun and enjoy the sunshine
HOW: drove in the car
Intro: On Saturday 8th September,Me and my family went to the beach,around mission bay To have fun and enjoy sunshine. By the way we drove in a car


WHO: me and my best friend
WHAT: went to the movies and had lunch
WHEN: on Sunday 9th September
WHERE: Sylvia Park
WHY: for my birthday
HOW: mum dropped us off in the car

Intro:Me and my best friend went to the movies, To have lunch for my birthday. At Sylvia park, My mum dropped us off in a car.


WHO: Me and my family
WHAT: went to nana’s house
WHEN: after church on Sunday 9th September
WHERE: nana’s house in Panmure
WHY: to have lunch together, help plan for cousins 21st party
HOW: drove in the van
Intro:Me and my family went to nana’s house after church on Sunday 9th September. nana’s house was in Panmure to have lunch together, we were helping plan for Sisters 21st Birthday

No comments:

Post a Comment